Get help: escape a violent situation

How to get help in an emergency

It may be safer for you to run outside where other people can see and hear you.
Try to get to a phone.

Phone

• Phone 911.
• When you dial the 911 number it takes about 4 seconds to connect. In an emergency, that may seem like a long time.
• Stay on the line — do not hang up and dial again.
• You may not have long to talk, so try to be clear. 
• Tell the operator:
  • your name;
  • where you are;
  • that you're being attacked;
  • that you're afraid you're going to be hurt or you're afraid for your life; 
  • where your attacker is; and
  • if the attacker has a weapon or access to weapons.

Remember

You do not have to be afraid for your life to seek assistance or support.

If you or your abuser are new to Canada

If you or your abuser recently received Canadian citizenship, calling the police does not mean:

• the abuser will be deported; or
• that their immigrant status will be affected.

Your abuser may use this as a threat to keep you from phoning.

Children and youth

Take your children with you when you leave for safety. Some people tell us they've had trouble getting custody of their children after leaving an abusive situation.

Documents

Keep these items in a safe place (for example at a friend’s or family member’s home, with a lawyer, or in a safety deposit box). Make copies and keep the copies in a separate place from the originals.

Important documents include:

• passports, birth certificates and/or status card;
• Social Insurance Number;
• immigration papers and/or work permits;
• driver’s license and registration;
• medications and prescriptions ;
• divorce papers, custody documentation, court orders, restraining orders and/or marriage certificate;
• lease or rental agreement, house deed and mortgage payment book;
• bank information, cheque book, account numbers and/or safety deposit key;
• insurance papers;
• pictures of spouse, children and other family members;
• health cards; and
• all cards you normally use, for example credit cards, bank cards and phone cards.

Cards and cellphone

Keep all the cards you normally use in your wallet. Keep your wallet and purse or bag handy, containing the following:

• keys for your car, house and office;
• cellphone;
• cheque book;
• driver’s license, registration and insurance; and
• emergency money (in cash) hidden away.

In case you have to leave quickly, keep the following items handy:

• emergency suitcase with immediate needs;
• special toys, comforts for children;
• items of special sentimental value; and
• a list of other items you would like to take if you get a chance to come back to your home later.

Children

Take your children with you when you leave for safety. Some people tell us they've had trouble getting custody of their children after leaving an abusive situation.

Contact Victim Services to get more information about children and their safety.

Planning

1. Plan your emergency exits.
2. Plan and rehearse the steps you'll take if you have to leave quickly, and learn them well.
3. Have extra clothing, house keys, car keys and money at a friend’s house.
4. Keep an emergency suitcase packed or handy. Be ready to pack quickly.
5. Consider getting a safety deposit box at a bank that your abuser does not go to.

Some things to keep in mind

Open a bank account in your own name and arrange that:

• no phone calls are made to you; or
• mail is sent to a friend or family member.

Save and set aside as much money as you can.

Everyone's situation is different. You may want to consider the following:

• What do I say if get caught preparing to leave?
• Should I tell a neighbour to call the police if they hear suspicious noises?
• What are the best ways to get out of the house?
• Should I set up a code word with my children to tell them to go to a safe place if my abuser is being violent?

For more information on safety planning:

• Options, choices, changes
• Ending Violence association of BC Safety Planning 

Housing 

Go somewhere safe

Think about places you and your children could go where you will be safe.

• A friend’s home
• A family member’s home
• A transition home
• A hotel

Transition homes or shelters

• Provide emergency shelter and support for women-identified people over 19 years old.
• Are accessible 24 hours a day.
• Have security measures and staff who are trained to help protect clients.
• May arrange transportation to get you to the nearest transition home, even if there is not 1 in your community.

You can stay for 30 days, in most situations.

Everything you tell the staff will be kept confidential. However, if they suspect a child is being abused or neglected then they must report this to Family and Children’s Services.

Ask for help

• Contact Victim Services – you do not have to give your name if you do not want to.
• Contact the RCMP.
• Read the booklet Options, Choices, Changes. Copies are available at Victim Services and other agencies.

Get help to get back in your home

Contact Victim Services to apply for an emergency intervention order or a victim assistance order to remove the abuser from the house. 

Apply for emergency financial help if you need to make repairs to make your house safe, for example:

• change your locks; or
• repair a door or window.

Get help to find housing  

• Apply for social housing.
• If you are a tenant of Yukon Housing: request to move a housing unit. Victim Services, women's shelters or other support organization can write a support letter.
• Domestic violence and residential tenancies info sheet.
• Contact a housing navigator at:
  • Victoria Faulkner Women's Centre
    • Phone: 867-667-2693 
    • Email: housing@vfwomenscentre.com 
  • Blood Ties Four Directions 
    • Phone: 867-334-4790
    • Email: housing@bloodties.ca
  • Yukon Anti-poverty Coalition 
    • Phone: 867-334-9317 
    • Email: yukonantipovertycoalition@gmail.com

Find financial assistance options

Apply for child care financial assistance

Apply for a child care subsidy. There are provisions for emergency situations.

Find income support services

• Social assistance, Government of Yukon
• Indigenous and Northern Affairs Canada: Phone 867-667-3399 to make an appointment.

Find out if you're eligible for social housing

• Find out if you're eligible or apply with Yukon Housing.
• Contact Grey Mountain Housing Society
  • In person: 200 – 211 Main Street in Whitehorse.
  • Phone: 867-633-4880
  • Email: executive.director@gmhousing.ca

Get a new phone number

Contact your phone provider to get a new cellphone number or Northwestel (1-888-423-2333) to change your landline number.

Change your mailing address

Contact Canada Post to have your mail forwarded to your new address.

Update or replace your Yukon health care card

Renew or replace your health care card.

Apply for a marital status change

After 90 days of separation. Phone the Canada Revenue Agency 1-800-387-1193.

Update your banking information

Phone or go in to your bank.

Update your online accounts

Change the passwords of all your personal online accounts, including:

• email;
• social media;
• banking; and
• device log-ins.

Choose a password your abuser will not be able to guess.

What if you receive threats?

Print and/or save threatening or harassing:

• emails;
• online posts;
• texts and voicemails.

These can be used as evidence of abuse.

Delete your internet browser history

This will prevent your abuser from seeing information you've viewed.

What is the risk?

Your abuser may notice:

• the browser history was cleared; or
• that saved passwords were deleted.

Children cannot stop the abuse. They often try to by distracting the abuser, or interfering in the abusive episode. It's important to tell children that the best and most important thing for them to do is keep themselves safe.

Make a safety plan with your children

There are several ways to help you develop a safety plan with your children, including:

• ensure that the 1st step of any plan is for the children to get out of the room where the abuse is happening;
• have your children pick a safe room or place in the home, preferably with a lock on the door;
• there should be a phone in the room or they should try to take a cellphone with them;
• stress the importance of being safe, and that it's not the children’s responsibility to make sure that their parent is safe;
• if the abuser sees your children use a phone they can be at risk – teach your children how to safely phone for help;
• if your children are unable to use a phone at home, talk to them about using a neighbour’s phone. If you have a cellphone, teach your children how to use it;
• teach your children how to dial 911;
• ensure that your children know their full name and address
  • rural children need to know their rural route number, or whatever is applicable.

Rehearse a 911 phone call

Rehearse with your children what they will say when they phone 911.

For example – an operator will answer: “police, fire, ambulance.” Your child says:

1. Police.
2. My name is ______________.
3. I am ____ years old.
4. I need help. Send the police.
5. Someone is hurting my mom or dad.
6. The address here is _______________.
7. The phone number here is ______________.
8. Do not hang up the phone.

If children hang up the phone, the police may phone back. This could create a dangerous situation for yourself and your children.

Pick a safe meeting place outside the home

Pick a safe place to meet your children, out of the home, after the situation is safe for you and them. This way you can easily find each other. Teach your children the safest route to the planned place of safety for them.

Read about the Ending Violence Association of BC.

Get support for a child victim of crime.

What about custody of your children?

If you have children and you want custody, you should apply for a custody order right away.

Get help applying for a custody order

The following services can help you find out about custody:

• Family Law Information Centre
• Find a family lawyer
• Yukon Legal Aid 
• Women's Legal Advocate 

If you're afraid your abuser may try to take the children to another country

You can ask the passport office to put your children’s names on a security list. Then you'll be called if the parent using violence tries to get a passport for your children. Phone the Passport Service office toll-free 1-800-567-6868.

You must provide:

• ID for yourself;
• birth certificates for your children;
• court documents (such as custody orders and restraining orders); and
• a letter detailing why you want their names on the security list.

The passport office will put your children's names on a security list for 90 days. After that time you must reapply.

If your children have another nationality, contact the country’s embassy or consulate to ask them to refuse to issue passports for your children. Find consulate and embassy phone numbers.

If you think your activities (online and offline) are being monitored, you're probably right.

People who are abusive often want to know their victim’s every move and interaction. If this is something you’re experiencing, it’s important to think through how they might be tracking your online activity.

How to safely be online

These tips can help you think through how to access information online more safely.

Computers, mobile devices and online accounts

These store a lot of private information about what you view online:  

• the websites you visit (like this);
• the things you search for;
• the emails and instant messages you send;
• the online videos you watch;
• the things you post on social media;
• the online phone or IP-TTY calls you make;
• your online banking and purchasing; and
• many others.

Can the abuser access your mobile device or computer?

Be careful how you use these. Use these devices for activities that won’t trigger violence – like looking up the weather.

Find safe devices

Look up information about how to get help on a safe device, such as a public computer at the library.

Can the abuser access your online accounts?

Online accounts can include:

• social media;
• email; and 
• bills.

Your abuser may have or has had access to your online accounts. If so, it's helpful to update your usernames and passwords from a safe device.

Set up a new email address

You can set up a new email address that the abuser does not know about. Then, connect your online accounts to it, instead of the old email address the abuser knows.

Make your new email address less recognizable

It can be helpful to make the new address something that's more anonymous. Choose something other than your actual name, or a handle you're known by.

Some things to remember

If you think you're being monitored, it might be dangerous:

• to suddenly stop your online activity; or
• stop your abuser from accessing your accounts.

You may want to keep using those devices or accounts for activities that will not trigger violence. Find safer devices (such as a public computer at the library) and make accounts to look up information about:

• how to get help; or
• to privately communicate with people.

Email, instant messaging and text messaging

These leave a detailed digital trail of your communication. This can increase the risk that your abuser will know not only that you communicated, but the details of what you communicated.

• When possible, it’s best to call a hotline.
• Send email, instant and text messages on a device and from an account that the abuser does not know about or have access to.
• Delete any messages you do not want your abuser to see.

This information on this page comes from the National Network to End Domestic Violence.